Returning to the Light

Hello blog readers! I have been on quite the journey and I’m so excited to say that things are coming back into balance for me and finally back on track! I have been working really hard in a new job to provide for the basic needs of my family. It’s full time and offers benefits, which is super nice. Things are still tight financially, but only because we were able to afford a car, so we are no longer on foot! We are renting an apartment and rebuilding credit so that we may be able to get a house in the future.

I love this time of year, because it’s really a chance for new beginnings and a fresh start. We never forget our past, but it’s important to keep going forward, and this time of year provides the perfect energy boost. I really took the time through fall and winter to reflect and get rid of things and emotions that no longer served me. I used that time to sit with my emotions and find the clarity I needed to get back on my path.

I am still working on my masters degree, and maintaining a 4.0 average. I am lucky that my husband is so supportive. With out him, it wouldn’t be possible to keep up with everything and keep striving for my goals. I haven’t forgotten my spiritual side though. It’s important to keep up a regular self-care routine no matter how busy life gets. I believe I have found the balance in both my spiritual, home, and professional life and all are fitting together nicely. I feel super lucky to have found a job with high ethics that align with my own, and great co-workers and supervisors who take the time to get to know me and not just treat me as another # to make their bottom line look good.

I would still love to help people through my own practice; eventually. But for now I think it’s more important to just share my own journey which is healing in itself. I know that I’m on the right path, and everything is coming together like it should. I am no longer dwelling in the dark, but appreciating the lessons from it, and stepping back into the light.

 

Life happens

I am always telling everyone I meet to go with the flow, or follow their heart whenever they are facing something difficult. Well that is exactly what my family has been doing the past few months.

Life seems to keep throwing obstacles at us and it’s been a constant battle and one thing leads to the other. We’ve gone through the phase of being fearful and not knowing what’s going to come next, to just throwing our hands up and going with the flow!

I had some extremely toxic people in  my life and two years ago I cut the cords and let them go, but their actions keep following us. We kept fighting and since July we have lost 2 homes; first our travel  trailer because we were forced to sell it,  than evicted from our weekly because we were $50 short on  rent and I wasn’t getting my first paycheck for another 8 days! We were on  foot with the girls, pushing a stroller and pulling a wagon of our belongings when some strangers helped us, because none of the local resources would; not even a bus pass for us to get to a shelter! I had to re-home our kitties because of these circumstances, and losing them was devastating for me. I also lost my job because my husband is disabled and physically could not push the stroller and pull the wagon at the same time to get the girls around. I was also never able to get a hold of anyone at work to keep them updated of our situation, so I had to  let it go.

But I  have never given up and all  this time I have kept up  a 4.0 GPA in my masters program. When  I got my financial aid refund we used that to buy a car with a broken window and some other mechanical problems and left the strangers home. Then the car failed smog so we are unable to register it until we can get it repaired, but we do  have a temporary tag on it. We also stay at hotels when we can afford them and I  continue looking for work. I use my phone for internet and I do online surveys to afford diapers and wipes for the girls. We manage just fine and are still happy.

When life throws these obstacles at you, you really start to  understand what is important to you and what isn’t. I finally started going through my storage of belongings I  have been toting around with me all of my adult life (14 years). I started getting rid of things I know longer needed and sold enough of it to be able to afford 2 weeks of rent at a hotel! This is how we have to live for now with  an  eviction on our record. I thought about who I should blame, or who was I angry at the most for these chain of events, but then I took my own advice and found the opportunity!

Yes life is hard and it’s easy to  get mad and blame others, but it really isn’t a way to live. My family has an opportunity to start over again and that is exactly what we are doing. We are scraping by for now, but once again we are saving our money for an RV. Living in our last one for 2 years was when we were truly happy. Everything went downhill when  we tried to  become renters again, so now we are going to go back to what works. I finally found my purpose in life and am really focused on my future as an activist for our planet. This will also correspond nicely with my masters degree, so everything is finally lining up for me.

It’s amazing how things change with just a little adjustment in  your perspective. Our goals are to buy an RV and relocate across the country within the next year. We are tired of Las Vegas and know there are better opportunities in other places. The Government classify’s us as homeless, but we call it freedom!

 

Release the Toxic and Negative Energies from your Life

Life is too short to be weighed down by toxic and negative energies (or people)! Many times we cling to these negative energies because we feel obligated, or do not know how to let go. These toxins can manifest in clutter around your home; physical symptoms, such as body aches and pains, fatigue, and digestive issues and they can be people in your life who suck your energy from you (energy vampires), leaving you exhausted and emotionally drained. So how do you let go?

Before doing a release spell it is best to clean your home first. (You wouldn’t eat off a dirty plate would you?) If you know how, you should also give your home a spiritual cleansing and smudge using either black or white sage. For the purposes of this spell a regular old house cleaning will work just fine. If you have toxic people in your life it is always best to cut them out completely, but this is not always possible or easy. Finally you must be ready to let go. Magick is only as strong as the intent behind it. If you have any doubts, or are still hanging on the spell will not work. Now you just need your tools which consist of a pen and paper, a fire safe container, and a black candle to draw out negative energy. Your candle can be a single use candle or a longer burning one that is only used for this type of work. Make sure you will not be distracted as this is a meditation spell and can be as short or as long as you want it.

Take a few minutes to calm your mind and center yourself like any other meditation. Start focusing on what toxic and negative energies you want to release as you light your candle. Keep focusing and write these down on your piece of paper. When you are ready to let go use the candle to light the paper on fire and place it in your fire safe container. As it burns, imagine everything you wrote down burning with it and melting from your life. Take as much time as you need as this can be a difficult process. When you believe your spell is done, (or when your single use candle burns out) put out your candle and snap your fingers to lock the energy in place. You should feel lighter, relaxed and more energetic.

You can use this spell as often as you need to. Sometimes when you feel the energy around your home getting heavy you can just burn a black candle without having to do the release part of the spell. The one thing to remember about magick is that it is only as strong as your intentions and beliefs are, so if you believe it will work, then it will! This little release spell is actually training you to not hold on to negative thoughts or energies. It is a physical practice to teach you to let go and it gets easier the more often you do it! So, don’t hold on to those negative energies anymore; learn to let go and release them!

Why I’ve been absent

Hello everyone,

I wanted to let everyone know why I’ve been absent. I’ve been in some deep, dark places and doing my own healing work in order to find my balance again. I have been set on a slightly new path and been working on some new goals. Since today is new moon I’ve set my new intentions and it’s all about focusing on me and what I want, and I’m going to go out there and get everything that I deserve! This is just a short note to let everyone know that I am setting my intentions and I am back! I have so much that I want to share with the world, that I need to start getting things organized and put together. I’m excited about what has been opening up to me and I cannot wait to share it with everyone! Stay tuned this is going to be an exciting and fantastic adventure!

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What’s in your harvest?

Today was officially the first day of Fall; otherwise known as the Autumn Equinox, or Mabon in Celtic tradition. It is a time to harvest the seeds we planted in Spring and nourished throughout the Summer. The days will begin to get shorter and it is time to start preparing for the Winter. This is the time where we reflect on the events that have happened this past year; creating those seeds that must now sustain us in the dark days ahead. It is the time for us to go inward and process all that we have experienced through the Spring and Summer. This is the time of year where we must look at what we have and learn to cherish and hold on to it. This is the time where we can dive into our shadow work and work on ourselves in order to maintain our balance. This is when we can do our deepest healing.

The seeds we planted earlier this year could have been intentional or unintentional. We don’t always get to choose how our life will go, but we can choose to take the seeds we were given and use them to our advantage. Like many, I have seeds that I intentionally planted and very exciting things are happening right now in my professional life. I wrote a story last November and submitted it to a magazine. It was a story summing up my spiritual journey and my connection with trees. A few months ago I learned that it was one of the ones chosen to be published and I should be receiving my copy any day now!  This is a perfect example of how the seeds you plant can really take off if you nourish them properly and never give up. The magazine is the 30th anniversary edition of Sage Woman; issue #90 The Magic of Trees. I have always wanted to be a writer but I used to tell myself that I wasn’t good enough, or I would never be published. But a year ago things drastically changed in our life and that was about the time I sat down and wrote this story. Then after learning it was going to be published it dawned on me that thousands of women are going to read my story! It was a sign that I shouldn’t stop at one piece, I must keep writing and keep putting my voice out there. Now I do that through this blog.

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But Harvests don’t always go as planned and just like real farms can cross contaminate each other with a strong wind, so too can we be left with seeds we did not intend to plant. For us it was my husband getting injured at work again. This past year we were still recovering from the last time he was injured in 2013, and a major surgery in early 2014. He was down and out of work for more than a year, and just when things looked like they were finally getting back to where they should, he got injured again! Like most unexpected situations, this was devastating. It can make you want to give up and say that “it’s hopeless”, or “it’s just not meant to be”. Yes I’ve caught myself saying those things a couple times, but then Mabon happened!

You see when we get too caught up in the positive and things that are going right in our lives we neglect and forget about some of the things that are most important. If we spend too much time looking ahead, we can miss what is right in front of us and happening now. I believe that is what happened to us. I have already started reflecting on these seeds, and this season I really have my work cut out for me! Maybe this was supposed to happen because we were on the wrong path. Maybe I was spending too much time daydreaming about what could be, instead of focusing on what is. These kinds of thoughts breed depression and anxiety, and it’s no wonder why both of these conditions are so prevalent in our society today! We are victims of our own thoughts! Even though I say over and over to listen to your heart; even I still get lost inside my own mind at times!

So this is what I’m going to do through this Autumn season. I am going to get out of my head and I’m going to take advantage of the time of year and what it’s meant for. I am going to take the time to reflect on which crops flourished, which could have used more care, and I’m going to figure out the best way to take care of those unwanted weeds that got mixed in! I’m going to go for more walks. I’m going to find more time to meditate. I’m going to work on my shadow side and write about what I discover. And yes I am even going to share some of my discoveries here! I think it’s important that healers share their own stories so that others can learn from them and build connections; especially if they are struggling with something similar.

I would ask that anyone who reads this post to take the time to do the same. Get a journal if you don’t already have one and reflect on what things have gone the way you wanted, and what things haven’t. Is your harvest full of the seeds you planted and nourished? Or is it full of weeds? With some deep reflecting you may learn how the weeds got in so that you can better prepare for next season. Like farmers who have to change what treatments they used in their fields because the soil changed, or the crops adapted, we too must be willing to adapt and change. If we don’t adapt, we will keep repeating the same patterns over and over until we can no longer use the soil because all the nutrients are gone from it.

Don’t be afraid to step into the dark to do this work. Without the dark we would never know how brilliant the light really is!

Blessed Be.

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The power of intentions and magick, you get what you need.

In a previous post I mentioned that I would tell the story of how our magick baby came to be; this is that story.

When I first met my husband I never expected that I would fall in love with him, let alone get married and have a child. The main reason is because he is 17 1/2 years older than me. He was kind, and a good friend, and then there was just an instant connection; like we were just meant to be. I came to the conclusion that he was my soul mate and everything in our past was designed specifically to bring us together. We spent only a few months together before actually becoming an item, and then things progressed quickly. People thought we were crazy for moving in together so soon. Some even suggested that because of our age difference I was only with him for his money and soon would be moving on. This was laughable since both of us had just gotten out of messy relationships when we met and he only had 2 bags of clothes to his name and was not working! If you understand astrology sun signs you would wonder how is it a Cancer woman can be compatible with an Aries man? (Both of our moon signs are Taurus). Both sides of our families went up in arms when we actually married  7 months after our official first date. Some members of our families still will not even speak to us even though this month marks 4 years together. So you can imagine how those same family members felt when we decided to have a child!

This was not a decision we took lightly. Both of us had children from previous relationships. For me this was my first planned pregnancy and I knew that if I was going to have a third child I wanted to try before I was 30. My husband was a smoker in his mid 40’s. The odds were against us, and I just didn’t think a pregnancy would be possible with the odds as they were; but as my husband stated; “well why not!” So we decided to try. I now have a taste of what families go through when they have difficulty conceiving a child. I tried adjusting my diet. I tracked my monthly cycles. I tried to be healthier. I tried to encourage my husband to partake in a healthier lifestyle, but month after month I was disappointed when my cycle started. I would break down and silently cry myself to sleep. I would tell myself that maybe it wasn’t meant to be, or I just wasn’t a good enough mother to have another child. I thought that maybe I was being punished for some reason, since this was a baby I wanted more than anything, that maybe it was taking away from my other 2 children who I also loved very much even though both were the results of unplanned, but happy surprise pregnancies. I almost gave up, but then told myself if it was meant to be it would happen.

I wasn’t looking for love when I met my husband, it just happened, so maybe this was the key to having this baby? I decided to turn inward and get back to my spiritual journey. Maybe I wasn’t getting pregnant because I didn’t truly accept myself. Or maybe it was because I was still in conflict with who I really was? I couldn’t be sure, but I did have to learn to accept things the way they were. Then I decided to really set my intentions for adding to our family and really focus on my positive qualities as a mother. I started using green candles for these intentions as green is the color for fertility. I created my own ritual with my husband to connect not just with him, but with all the energy around us on a deeper level. And then one night I instinctively decided to voice my intentions out loud, promising I would be a good mother, and declaring that I was ready for this next chapter of my life. Two weeks later I missed my period and had a positive pregnancy test!

I have no words to describe the miracle it took to bring this special magick baby into the world. She is perfect in every way. She is the perfect balance of my husband and I, and yes she is a Libra baby! When you look at her you just know that there is something different about her; old soul maybe? But where ever we go everyone who sees her has to stop and talk to her. She draws everyone in like a magnet. I truly believe that my husband and I were meant to come together specifically to bring her into this world. I think she has important work to do, and has a very powerful gift of bringing people together.

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I want to clarify that this magick may not work for everyone. Some people may have biological issues that just make it impossible to conceive. It took us 9 months, and I understand some try for years with no success and I understand how difficult that may be. The point of this story is that you can’t just go through the moitions and follow the book on being healthy and taking care of yourself physically. You have to go farther. You have to go deep within yourself and set your intentions. You may not always get exactly what you are looking for, but you will get exactly what you need. I was still a little skeptical of my new found spriritualism, but after how our daughter came to be I was a full fledged believer in the power of magick and positive intentions! And I think that is the lesson I was meant to learn. This wasn’t just about my husband and I conceiving a child. This was what needed to happen for me to really find out who I was and what I was meant to do in the world.

My daughter turns 2 next month and it truly has been a magical two years so far. It is a great joy watching her grow and become this wonderful little girl, and I feel so blessed that I got to bring her into this lifetime.

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Use color and candle magick for healing

 

Have you felt depressed lately? Or a lack of energy? Or maybe you are having a hard time sleeping? While there may be many physical causes to these issues and there are many things we can do to treats these symptoms, many don’t realize that candle magick can work better than a pill for mild issues that happen to everyone on occasion. If you are having severe symptoms and problems please see your doctor or other professional for further treatment, and even once you do candle magick can be a great complement to that care.

Candles provide a focus point for us when we have a hard time on our own. Our intentions and thoughts are where the true magick lies but candles are a tool I recommend everyone learn to work with. (Besides they are highly decorative and everyone in the home can benefit from them!) Even if you do not want to do spell work, just lighting a candle of a specific color will still work it’s magick on you. If you like to relax in the tub by candlelight try using blue, purple or pink candles. We use blue candles in our bedroom to help calm our minds and relax to fall asleep easier. Burn yellow candles when you have guests over to lift the spirits of everyone in the room. Burn black candles if you’ve been cranky and maybe argumentative, picture all of the negativity burning away. There is no right or wrong way to incorporate color therapy and candle magick into your life. (Did you know that many stores already use color to influence people when shopping? Bright colors to draw your attention. Ambient light to make you want to stay longer). Color therapy is already being used all around us, so why not incorporate it into your home too.

I’ve included a list of the major colors and how each color can be used. This is the way I use these colors and other cultures and traditions may vary. Figure out what your intent is then choose your candle color (white will work for anything if you do not have the color you need). Set your intentions and light your candle and it will do the rest. Just make sure you have the candle in a safe place never leaving it unattended. For individual symptoms I use single spell candles so I let them burn all the way out. Otherwise you may use large pillar candles multiple times, putting them out each time you feel their work is done. This is just a basic guide and in a future post I will recount the story of how candle magick helped me and my husband conceive our magick baby!

Red is a great color for boosting energy and boosting spirits when a person is feeling depressed. It is the color that represents fire.

Orange is a good motivator and aids in relieving stress. It can also aid spiritually in changing ones luck.

Yellow is also a good color for depression, frustration, and positive energy (the happy and joy color). It is the color of the element of Air.

Green is a great calming color when a person is angry or feels out of control and helps overcome frustration. Green candles are burned to assist in abundance and prosperity. It is also a great healing color and represents the Earth element.

Blue is a very calming color for meditation, self-reflection and relaxation before sleeping. The element of water is represented by blue.

Indigo is a good color for when a person is overwhelmed and needs a break from the feelings of disorganization in order to reflect and prioritize.

Violet/Purple is a nurturing color for when a person has chaotic feelings and needs to get organized. It is a great color for psychic awareness and represents the fifth element of Spirit.

Pink is a love healing color somewhat as red but encourages self-love and integrity. It is a soft gentle color that is more in line with love rather than passion.

Black clears negative spaces and energy. It is the color of spiritual protection against adversity. Black is a very powerful color that can drain energy but when used to clear negativity it is a very positive color.

White has its own attributes but can be used with the “intent” of any color. White removes negative feelings and energy. White is a true encouragement of positive energy. It is great to use to purify and cleanse a space. It is also culturally used in the healing of animals.

Brown is also an earth elemental color. It is also the “I am Sorry” color to relieve feelings of guilt when you have wronged another. It is also the color other than white used in animal healing.

Silver is considered the color of intuition. It is the color that represents beauty and the arts. Many Neo Pagans use this color to represent the divine feminine. It is also a color associated with the moon. (White is a substitution for silver).

Gold represents prosperity and abundance. It is the color used when you are about to take on a new challenge. Many Neo Pagans use this color to represent the divine masculine. It is also the color associated with the sun. (Yellow can substitute for gold).